Everyday I wake up and I say (okay, think)
this is going to be the day. This is going to be the day I'm not gonna get hurt at all. I'm gonna have a good day and nothing's going to ruin that. Thing is, that rarely actually happens. Today was almost one of those days. But now, I'm in just as bad shape. I want to cry right now. I really do. I wish I had tears. I miss having the ability to cry. How do people do this to me everyday? How can people manage to be so heartless and not even care? Or do they care? Maybe its a secret, that they care. Maybe... Ugh... You know what the worst part is? I want to stop cutting. I want to
SO bad. And it seems every time I'm making progress and I'm staying strong, there it is, some day ruiner and its just gonna end up with scars on MY skin. I hate this!!!!! I'm staying strong, so far. I haven't marked up my skin, not yet. I'm gonna stay strong, for now. Ugh... why do I give my heart to people. Why do I let them destroy it? I should chain it up in my chest, never let it be held by anyone else. Ugh... I hate it because everything he said, its all true. And he didn't mean to be mean, it was proll suppsed to be sweet but it hurt. :( Doesn't he get it yet? I
HATE my body. I
HATE it. Why can't I do anything right? I'm sick of it...I'm never hanging out with anyone that I don't have to. I'm not gonna socialize anywhere but here. I'll go to book club and all that but I aint talking. I'm not socializing. I can't or I'll just get hurt again.
Doesn't he see? I hate my body, the comments aren't needed. I know, I aint pretty. Stop telling me. I hate my body, can't you see?
I wish there were somewhere that I could rest for eternity and never be bothered. I wish I could go up to heaven now. I want this life to be over more than ever. I just want to be in my coffin now. I just want the blackness to surround me today. I just want to say good bye forever....
Comments (4)
Noooo you dont! that isnt an option. okay? i know we're just internet friends, but i check my xanga everyday to see what you're up to and to make sure everything is going okay with you. idk what i'd do if you were just...gone. its not okay. dont do it!!!! and dont wish it. I CARE. i do. really really reaaaaaaaaaaaally. and who thinks you're not pretty?? and what comments? do i need to make my way up there and kick some ass? i'm small but i can kick some butt when i need to!!
please feel better. and you may not think it, but you ARE beautiful and you do deserve better than this crap. dont put up with it. just tell him, i'm better than this, i'm better than the things you say to me, i'm better than the way you treat me, and i'm better than you. thats what needs to be said...
pleeease feel better soon. :\
-T
@tinytera - sry, this time I may not be able to take your advice.... But thanks for caring and offering some butt kicking.
she's right. you are beautiful i saw that picture of you two dancing and your fucking tiny girl! i'm not nearly that small. i'll kick some ass too. i don't want to see you hurt anymore i care too.
you deserve to be happy, & he shouldn't be able to take that away. you're an amazing person. don't ever forget please don't. +& if you do i'll be here to remind you.